So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
