It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
