you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
