I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
