I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
