Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
