Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize