That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
