I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
