I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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