I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
