i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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