Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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