either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
