my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
