How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
