I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
