Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
