i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
