don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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