i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
