I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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