just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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