then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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