i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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