I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The air was thick with penises
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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