she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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