If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
