eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
