I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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