Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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