My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You work out of a Hotel?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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