cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
