I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
