There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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