Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
