Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
