Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
