Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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