So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize