Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.

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  (301): He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex. http://tfl.nu/9ztc
  Replies (17) Good night (823) Bad night (2719)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.

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  (905): Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have. http://tfl.nu/x1lg
  Replies (8) Good night (794) Bad night (2193)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

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  (309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished. http://tfl.nu/wbty
  Replies (19) Good night (7283) Bad night (1615)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.

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  (817): No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever. http://tfl.nu/v4fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5649) Bad night (1192)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

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  (803): It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/hg6l
  Replies (37) Good night (9430) Bad night (1263)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.

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  (740): Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed. http://tfl.nu/6s1t
  Replies (5) Good night (2461) Bad night (1029)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.

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  (810): I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well. http://tfl.nu/a4oz
  Replies (10) Good night (3309) Bad night (689)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.

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  (281): NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME. http://tfl.nu/v341
  Replies (5) Good night (1239) Bad night (639)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.

  (1248): View more from

  That'll put some boobs in that bra.

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  (248): No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it. (1248): That'll put some boobs in that bra. http://tfl.nu/9gj6
  Replies (5) Good night (1647) Bad night (534)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.

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  (248): Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it. http://tfl.nu/f0ca
  Replies (1) Good night (971) Bad night (487)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat

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  (214): Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat http://tfl.nu/vn00
  Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (418)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  No shame in my game.

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  (701): You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills. (320): No shame in my game. http://tfl.nu/4hn7
  Replies (4) Good night (1259) Bad night (515)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.

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  (720): Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate. http://tfl.nu/0wwt
  Replies (1) Good night (1007) Bad night (275)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You're such a Yankee.

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  (401): He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable. (508): You're such a Yankee. http://tfl.nu/y54r
  Replies (0) Good night (730) Bad night (325)
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  (707): View more from California

  He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.

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  (707): He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible. http://tfl.nu/0sea
  Replies (2) Good night (427) Bad night (156)

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