Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.

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  (314): no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive. http://tfl.nu/qwvv
  Replies (19) Good night (6968) Bad night (784)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?

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  (814): so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar? http://tfl.nu/t8an
  Replies (16) Good night (1582) Bad night (5380)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm never eating chinese again.

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  (215): yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night. (215): i'm never eating chinese again. http://tfl.nu/0tg8
  Replies (11) Good night (924) Bad night (4522)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!

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  (518): he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home! http://tfl.nu/koxv
  Replies (12) Good night (3703) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.

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  (413): They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket. http://tfl.nu/y613
  Replies (23) Good night (4792) Bad night (2596)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.

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  (404): If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you. http://tfl.nu/1sgs
  Replies (3) Good night (1068) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.

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  (407): And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight. http://tfl.nu/v0lu
  Replies (12) Good night (731) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?

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  (310): This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married? http://tfl.nu/80xb
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.

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  (650): That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands. http://tfl.nu/y7oo
  Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (1138)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.

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  (253): want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some. http://tfl.nu/g1u1
  Replies (9) Good night (622) Bad night (1623)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea

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  (608): So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea http://tfl.nu/i0d0
  Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians

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  (724): We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians http://tfl.nu/50hn
  Replies (9) Good night (757) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.

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  (440): all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers. http://tfl.nu/lyvi
  Replies (2) Good night (887) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off

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  (807): I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off http://tfl.nu/3ozb
  Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.

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  (404): I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now. http://tfl.nu/5tyu
  Replies (1) Good night (289) Bad night (794)

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