Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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