i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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