Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.