we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
