i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
