....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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