It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
