i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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