...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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