...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
