Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
