yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
