I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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