I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
