I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
