drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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