just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
