No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
