Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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