Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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