I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.