finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage