bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket