weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
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I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.