so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
