Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
